The Twelfth Day of Christmas Insults My Intelligence

Here it is, the final day of our Christmas fun.  May you all have an enjoyable holiday that is free from injury, death, and bad music.  May you emerge from this season with piles of expensive presents that you can sell to fund something for me.

Now… let’s get on with the show.

The twelfth thing at Christmas that has insulted me:


Twelve angry zombies

 

Eleven acts of Congress

(Photo credit: Architect of the Capitol)

Unfortunately for the zombies, they found no brains to eat at the Capitol.   (Photo credit: Architect of the Capitol)

Ten breast enhancements

(Photo credit: Shira Gal)

The zombies were smart because they realized that breast cancer survivors are the only boobjob recipients with brains.  It’s just another of the disease’s lethal side effects.  (Photo credit: Shira Gal)

Nine smelly reindeer

(Photo credit: Keven Law)

Reindeer brains are too small, so the zombies went in search of larger prey.  (Photo credit: Keven Law)

Eight vegan cookies

(Photo credit: veganchicksrock)

The zombies were even less amused with the cookies than the not-so-undead were.  (Photo credit: veganchicksrock)

Seven cancelled flights

(Photo credit for original: Allen Skyy)

Picture it: thousands of brain-toting people trapped in a snow-covered airport.   (Photo credit for original: Allen Skyy)

Six sixes sixing

Because Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and Christmas are too culturally exclusive, the local Satanist Temple has registered a new holiday: Satan’s Solstice.  Although the solstice part has some historical legitimacy, it’s just not politically correct to exclude a contemporary religious belief system from the naming convention.

Being undead, Zombies aren’t really tempted by contemporary Satanism.

Five drunk fratboys

Pickled brains also taste good. (Arthur Browne created this image. Art likes monkeys, probably because he claims to be a monkey. You can see more monkeys on his blog, Pouring My Art Out.)

Four weeks of church

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The local Zombie Commission has been invited to partake of the Body and Blood of Christ so that you may see that His flesh is truly present before you.   Brain wafer, anyone?  (Thanks to James O’Neil at Memories of a Time for providing the image.  He also did the glasswork.)

 

Three Santas

(Photo credit: Josh Roulston)

If we’re lucky, one of them will survive long enough to deliver presents.  (Photo credit: Josh Roulston)

Two tacky gifts

(Photo credit for original: Richard Huber)

Hey Mr. Zombie!  Is that a pickle in your pocket or are you just happy to see my brain?  (Photo credit for original: Richard Huber)

And the kid who wants a large breed

(Photo credit: Steve Harris)

So THAT’S why she wanted the tiger.  Smart kid.   (Photo credit: Steve Harris)

Blogger’s note: This was the 12th installment of a 12 part series.  All photos had new captions in each post, so you missed a lot if you only saw this post.  For all earlier posts in this series, click on the “twelve days of Christmas” link below.

The Sixth Day of Christmas Insults My Intelligence

The sixth thing at Christmas that has insulted me:

Six sixes sixing

Because Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and Christmas are too culturally exclusive, the local Satanist Temple has registered a new holiday: Satan’s Solstice.  Although the solstice part has some historical legitimacy, it’s just not politically correct to exclude a contemporary religious belief system from the naming convention.

Because Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and Christmas are too culturally exclusive, the local Satanist Temple has endorsed a new December observance: Satan’s Sunset.  We must not allow this, primarily because holidays must be as historically and culturally authentic as the Christmas tree is to Christianity.

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