Telemarketers Insult My Intelligence

You call three, four, five times a day.  I never pick up the phone for you, and your message is always prerecorded.  You’re not quite selling your product, just trying to find people who will agree to have one of your representatives call them at a later time.  It’s “free,” and I only have to speak the word yes.


(Photo credit: Stitch)

I am not a cruel person.  I will not request a representative and proceed to tell her how seductive her voice is, how much I’d like to meet her for a drink and a nightcap, and how I’d make her feel.  Telemarketers are critters too and you deserve the humane treatment we afford squirrels, chipmunks, and other such creatures.  (See?  I’m being morally just by not urging people to treat your kind like houseflies or cockroaches or fire ants.)

I wish you were as courteous as I am.  You make my phone ring at all hours of the day and it quickly gets annoying.  Do you think I will accept your services (much less pay for anything from you) if you just woke me up or interrupted something important?  The other telemarketers are obnoxious for calling and not leaving a message.  You’re just stupid because you leave the same message over and over again.  I know you called at 9:05, at 10:48, at 1:45, at 4:50, and at 8:30.  You annoyed me five times today, and plenty of times yesterday, the day before, the day before, and so on.  Do you think this creates a positive impression?  And, after so many failed calls, do you really think you’ll get what you don’t deserve?

You remind me of my ex-girlfriend.  I think you two could become great friends, so here’s her phone number and you can give her a call or sixteen.