Sore Losers Insult My Intelligence

Congratulations on your successful divorce!

I know the financial consequences will devastate you for the next two decades and I hope you’re at least somewhat disappointed in how little time you’ll be spending with your children.   Since you’ve been so victimized, I’d like to offer a few thoughts that will allow you to digest what just happened.

Such a lovely family life, isn't it?  (Photo credit: James Delaney)

Such a lovely family life, isn’t it? (Photo credit: James Delaney)

  • Being physically present in the house or grocery store (etc.) with the children does not count as parenting, even if you interact with them at a reasonably human level. It also does not automatically make you a superior parent when compared to your husband who was working 90 hours a week, although leaving the children with you might be construed as negligence and negligence is child abuse. I think child abuse is a crime in most states. If your parenting skills are in question after so many years, it’s not your husband’s fault.
  • If you want to complain about the verdict, it’s okay to mention the child support and alimony and the limited financial resources you’ll have to deal with.  However, you should also sound at least somewhat affected by the loss of child custody, even though your offspring must have said bad things to the judge about you.  Remember that they are still cute.
  • Attacks on your character in court are not automatically lies. People can honestly express negative beliefs about you. Those beliefs can even be true.
  • If you want to show that the testimony about your profligate spending was inaccurate, start by furnishing your new apartment with less expensive items.
  • Do not tell me how you lost because you were pursuing an honest court case while your ex-husband was lying left and right. On second thought, you can tell me that but not immediately before complaining about how your best friend was giving scrupulously honest testimony in court that did not consistently work in your favor.
  • The judge obviously didn’t like you very much and maybe she was biased against you. You know, those liberal activist judges always want to create a more equitable society by giving full custody of the children to the man.
  • It’s not our legal system’s fault that you lost. You consented to the rules when you filed for divorce.   Now go pay your lawyer.

Stupid Parents Insult My Intelligence

I’m sure you’ve all have seen parents who remain clueless about their teenage children.  And then these well informed adults want to lecture you on their brilliant parenting strategies!  Or, if you’re a teenager, maybe you’ve had to live through a few parenting mishaps yourself.

So here we go with another top 10 list.  This time, it’s the ten dumbest things parents can do or say to their teenagers.  And I promise to write something more intelligent tomorrow…

Bring Your Own

(Photo credit: Chiot’s Run)

10: They try to offer a helpful weight loss tip: “Drinking and driving is also illegal if you’re guzzling a soft drink or milkshake.”

Detective John Kimble and O'Hara in the classr...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

9: They assume that everything teenagers need to know about sex can be learned from the movies.  Specifically, Kindergarten Cop.

“Boys have a penis.  Girls have a vagina.”

Ron Paul

(Photo credit: Gage Skidmore)

8: They always assume that their teenager shares all of their deepest political convictions.  Always.  “These whippersnappers can’t think for themselves.”

White Board | 219/365

(Photo credit: mfhiatt)

7: They inform their teenager that Algebra is necessary to understand Harry Potter’s spellbook.

Beavis as The Great Cornholio.

Beavis as The Great Cornholio. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

6: They try to be cool.  For example, they imitate Beavis in public.

Facebook logo

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

5: They attempt reverse psychology: “Reading Facebook is more educational than reading a paperback book.”

Acne vulgaris

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

4: They are always encouraging.  “Those zits make you look really cute and everyone at school will think so too.”

Oktoberfest dirndl

(Photo credit: 24oranges.nl)

3: They bring their teenagers to Germany every summer but don’t let them drink beer, even under parental supervision.  Not even once.  Even though it’s legal there.  (Author’s note: the teenagers know that drinking German beer ultimately leads to successful careers in engineering.  It works for the Germans, doesn’t it?)

DSC_0117

(Photo credit: juan tan kwon)

2: They make themselves useful: “I’m chaperoning your prom because I want you to have every opportunity to enjoy the evening.”

Slide11: They search their teenager’s bedroom for dirty magazines.