Forgetting the Little Guy Insults My Intelligence

I’ve grown weary of watching all the big, “interesting” words hog the spotlight. After all, those rock stars are worthless without their sidekicks. Today, I’d like to focus some attention on the most resplendent of those “lesser” linguistic warriors:

The king (a.k.a. King The) has arrived.

The king (a.k.a. King The) has arrived.

King The can dazzle readers with his versatility. Although he maintains a single definition, he can be pronounced two ways to maintain auditory fluidity at all times. He also fills in gaps when things would otherwise sound clumsy or stilted. He even gives eyes a much needed respite between the more acknowledged behemoths of meaning.

Don’t take this as an article of faith. This article is the genuine article.

All hail The!

Excessive Punishments Insult My Intelligence

Whenever I visit international markets, I make it a point to not laugh at any sort of unfortunate English errors I see.  Usually.  And so I chose not to photograph what I’m telling you about today.  You’ll just have to trust me.

Anyway…

I went over to the meat section and discovered a most shocking product being sold: grounded turkeys.

The market was apparently offering troublesome teenagers for human consumption.  I’m not sure if the packages contained thighs, breasts, legs, or other body parts.

 

The store must have thought he'd be yummy to more people than just the girls.  (Photo credit: Daniel Foster)

The market must have thought he’d be yummy to more people than just the Bieber fans. (Photo credit: Daniel Foster)

 

(Before you get all angry and stuff, my high school chemistry teacher lovingly referred to us students as turkeys.)

Misunderstood Graveyards Insult My Intelligence

English: English Cemetery, Málaga, Spain

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When you apply for jobs, every detail of every sentence must be free of factual errors and grammatical mistakes, not to mention typos.  Applicants have to spend a lot of time preparing these perfect materials for HR departments and other employer contacts who probably couldn’t recognize accurate language use if they saw it being copied from an English textbook.

I am not here to gripe today.  I’ve already written about how people with bad grammar and spelling habits probably move ahead in the employment process because the HR folks think the errors are correct.

Instead, I wish to entertain.  I was looking through job postings today and found an organization that is seeking someone to work the graveyard shift.   And they decided to use the word “graveyard” prominently in the job ad’s headline, presumably to scare off people who would reject such a work schedule.

You already know this can’t end well, don’t you…

They have put up an ad for a “Bi-lingual Spanish Graveyard Youth-Care Worker.”  I’m not quite sure what graveyard youth-care is (much less Spanish graveyard youth-care) but I can’t believe people would send their children there.  Or, if it’s care for newly buried corpses, why the need for a bilingual caretaker?  I’m pretty sure corpses can’t understand Spanish.

So maybe I should apply…

HR Incompetence Insults My Intelligence

25Aug09 ~ Grammar Assignment

(Photo credit: grace_kat)

I’ve been seeking employment for a long time and I’ve grown weary of HR departments.  Job applicants are supposed to submit an impeccably proofread cover letter and resume whenever we apply for jobs.  This is reasonable.  However, I regularly see job advertisements that list “mastery of spelling and grammer” [sic] as a qualification requirement.

Take a moment to let the irony sink in.

Take a second moment to pray it’s not your kid’s school that’s hiring people like this.  Or your employer, for that matter.  Remember, HR still handles many critical details for you and their incompetence can be even more challenging for current employees.

I especially love job ads for teachers that mandate a “mastery of spelling and grammer” right after extolling the school’s high academic standards.  Something’s high at those schools and it isn’t the standards.

So, if the folks in HR get things wrong, how are they supposed to know which applicants are getting things right?  Are applicants supposed to predict what mistakes HR will think are correct and replicate them?

Stupidity pays dividends if you’re stupid in the right way.