Inept Artists Insult My Intelligence

Kids can be really insightful and that’s what makes them challenging.

I took my niece shopping one day and we saw a children’s carousel with some of her favorite characters on it.  Winnie the Pooh had enchanted her for years and she yelped with joy when she saw the ride.

(Photo by Michelle Weber)

(Photo by Michelle Weber)

Unfortunately, her enthusiasm didn’t survive long.  Soon, she was crying.  And once I had calmed her she looked at me sternly and asked “Why didn’t you tell me that Pooh and Tigger aren’t real?”

Since I’m a good uncle, I understood that her parents ought to be the ones to break this kind of news to her.  Winnie the Pooh is as sacred as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and I did not want to interfere with my sister’s obligations; I’d rather deal with the fun uncle stuff like buying loud toys and tasty treats.

And so I reply “What makes you think Winnie the Pooh doesn’t exist?”

Her astute observation?  “Tigger’s butt doesn’t have a hole. He can’t poop, so he is fake.”

Okay, I can handle explaining this one…

Author’s note:  This didn’t really happen; the Weekly Writing Challenge was seeking stories to match the photo.  The story is true in spirit, though.  How often do our youngest relatives ask these difficult questions to family members who ought not be giving the answers? 

And why did the carousel designer make Tigger’s rear end so prominent?

A Bad Sonnet Insults My Intelligence


The Svante Nilsson Sture Sword 02

 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Forsooth! A dull and tired rat art thou!

Abhorrent ears and ghastly maiden thine,

Become a prudent mouse and you will shine.

Your magic dims. You must now take a vow.

Regroup and rise.  The children should soon bow

Before you.  Thou shalt grab thy sword and dine

On kiddie brains, then go to guzzle wine.

And wear thy codpiece. Leather’s good, like, wow!

Unleash the beast! Your brave and heartless soul

Must never rot, be stale, nor mercy show.

Behead them!  Pluto, Minnie, Goofy, Pooh!

They seek your throne, your riches.  That’s their goal.

Forget the parties.  Disneyworld must know

That you are king.  Turn Eeyore into glue!