Text Messages Insult My Intelligence

Happy new year everyone.

This holiday season, it’s important to remember all of the important people in your life and wish them the best.  Since we’re all busy, that wish may need to be conveyed through a text message instead of through a warmer and fuzzier phone call.

If you text your holiday greetings, you can even send a picture without having to buy a card.  (Photo credit: Intel Free Press)

If you text your holiday greetings, you can even send a picture without having to buy a card. (Photo credit: Intel Free Press)

I’m okay with that.  I don’t want to deal with all those repetitive phone calls.

However, please be so kind as to not send a single text message to everyone.  Believe it or not, lots of folks haven’t figured out how to reply only to the sender.  In other words, your recipients may be destined for symphonic digital torture as your friends and family reciprocate your performance of the agreed upon communication obligations… at midnight.

With that in mind, I would like to suggest a new year’s resolution: make friends who are smart enough to learn such simple technology.  You’re stuck with your family, though.

Closed Ears Insult My Intelligence

In this age of Twitter and of Facebook status updates and of the constant broadcasting of everyone’s most insignificant thoughts as though they were meaningful, people have grown accustomed to letting their ideas flow uninterrupted and unchallenged.  At the same time, the art of listening has been forgotten.  For that reason, I’d like to promote the relearning of that critical skill:

1- Take your fingers out of your ears.  I realize that you’re trying to expedite the listening process by trying to remove all that wax.  Unfortunately, that’s less helpful than you think.

2- Shut your trap.  You do not hear through your tongue.

3- Stop talking.  If the other person can’t get a word in edgewise, you’re not listening.

4- Be quiet.  It’s hard to hear the other person when you’re making all that noise.

5- Zip it.  (Your mouth and especially your pants.  Distractions are bad.)

6- Now that your mouth is hopefully inactive, get rid of all that extra noise inside your head.  You know, it’s your planned reply or perhaps the latest Miley Cyrus song you just can’t get out of your head.  I figure I can accuse you of loving Miley Cyrus because you’re not listening to me anyway.

7- Do not assume that the other person is full of bullshit simply because they’re not telling you what you already believe.  The world is full of people who already do that   They’re called politicians, prostitutes, and clothing salespeople. 

8- It does not count as listening when you believe the salesman when he tells you that your butt does not look big in whatever you’re trying on.  Listening means taking a moment to think about what you’re hearing.

9- Never forget that what you supposedly hear is important to the other person, even if you consider it to be total BS.  They’ll be annoyed if you disregard what entered your ears.  Bugs can be sent in to check on the successful transmission of information.

10- Start drinking.  Listening will open up a world of unpleasant information and alcohol is one effective way to cope with the shattering of your fragile little worldview.

11- In case you didn’t get the point earlier, shut up.

This isn't listening.  (Photo credit: oddharmonic)

This isn’t listening. (Photo credit: oddharmonic)