Brainless Blog Posts Insult My Intelligence

Sometimes I get sick of wading through posts that show no evidence that a brain is or was present on its blog.  Brains are important.  (So is beauty.  Me saying that is how you can tell I’m probably not a zombie.)

I can do better.  Therefore, I’d like to show you something pretty today:

You deserve to look at something of this quality.

You deserve to look at something of this quality.

Look at the motion of the ocean.  Such beauty!  See the algae gyrating in the waves.  Notice the sunlight glistening off of the pristine water.

Oops!  I’m terribly sorry.  That’s not water.  It’s a recolored photo of raw pork brains.  You can see the original picture here.  And before you complain…

At least I kept my promise about not giving you a brainless post.

Negativity Insults My Intelligence

I’d like to take a moment to express my undying love for my readers and for everyone out there who does not read this blog.  I love all of you and I love the kittens and the salamanders and the entire animal kingdom.  Of course, I love trees and I love knees and I love fees.  Yes, I love fees.  I love parking fees and I love shipping fees and I love processing fees and I love mystery fees that show up on my lovely receipts when I go shopping at stores, all of which I love too.  Even Wal-Mart.

I started this blog to bring more positivity into the world because everything in the world is beautiful.  And everyone is good.  We must have our human interest stories and our constant praise of everything and everyone so as not to shatter anyone’s artificially inflated ego.  When responding to things other people have done, I always remain mindful of this psychological feather cloud.  Everyone deserves to be told how perfect they are, constantly and consistently, and they deserve to hear those words expressed honestly every time.

Love must happen 24 hours a day, every day, until we gloriously ascend beyond this life.  We must make sure this happens.  We must actively eliminate all those who practice constructive criticism and anything else that makes people feel bad.  No criticism is constructive, but I love the criticizers anyway.  We should reeducate them so that they may become better adapted to society’s needs.

I intend for love to blossom here every time I post something new.  Love inspired my initial forays into writing and it continues to do so. My heart rejoiced at the opportunity to convert the masses to the ways of love and I overflow with delight every time I imagine someone’s life becoming more beautiful because of my writing.

As a token of these warm feelings, I wish to share a joyous song that will fill your heart with happiness and nostalgia, reminding you how writing elevates the soul.  Please be sure to reflect on the song’s deeper meaning so that you may be fully uplifted.

 

Blue Skies Insult My Intelligence

I arrived in Stockholm late at night and awoke the next morning in a city I had been excited to visit.  The skies were blue and there wasn’t a drop of rain.

And do you know what?  Stockholm was hideous.  Various faded pastel colors adorned a lot of buildings, especially in the historic old town where the general atmosphere resembled a washed-out rainbow.  The city likes to bill itself as the “Venice of the North” and I wasn’t buying it.

But, the Swedes are pretty ingenious.  They’re the folks that gave us Ikea, Abba, and that cute little Muppet with the white hat.  Of course they’re going to have great architectural artistry.

And then it clouded up and drizzled the day I left.  Normally, rain is your enemy when you’re on vacation and none of the glossy tourist advertisements ever give you a glimpse of anything as “ugly” and “unmarketable” as gray skies.  But this is Sweden.  I already knew that major European cities with rotten northern weather often use Stockholm’s vomity color scheme, and now I could see why.    That day, I took pictures of things I had passed over because they hadn’t seemed like anything special when the sun was out.  Here are a few:

Washed out in the sun, but imposing in the rain.

Darkness brings out the color in this church.  No, they don’t worship Satan here.

Even mustard can look great on a building if the weather is right.  That peach building to the left also looks surprisingly good.  This is the only time I recommend mustard and peach together.

Because everything was so wonderful that day, I was running a little late and needed to grab a quick bite to eat before catching my plane.  Please believe me when I tell you that you should never buy caviar in a tube from a 7-11.  Not tasty.