Today I learned that Thanksgiving leftovers can be revived after three months in the refrigerator.

Waste not, want not. (Photo credit: Stu Spivack)
First, eliminate the odor with a few quick shots of bleach. The bleach also replaces some of the moisture the leftovers had lost and it kills any mold that might have found a home on your bird. Remove the dead mold with a butter knife.
After performing this basic cleaning, you must decide upon an appropriate recipient for your newly rediscovered culinary delight as well as an appropriate receptacle to ship it in. I recommend a large Ziploc bag placed inside a cardboard box. However, you must include something else inside the box to prevent dogs or other nearby animals from tearing open the package and stealing the loot. I’d suggest spraying the entire box with Axe; that stuff will keep anything but teenagers away.
And now for the new, proud owner of Frankenturkey. I do not recommend any occupant of the White House or Capitol Hill because all that Axe on the box might get you accused of trying to poison a politician. That’s terrorism, perhaps. Instead, I recommend your closest vegetarian friend; since the turkey no longer resembles a meat product, your friend will never know what you fed them.
If it looks like tofu and smells like tofu, it can’t be a Frankenturkey.
– Epitaph on friend’s grave
After the funeral, your refrigerator will hug you; it’s his friendship that matters most in your life. Go out and buy your fridge some new bling.
Why did’t you freeze it? Then you could actually eat it after a few months (providing it wasn’t frankenturkey).
Leslie
The food is so much more interesting to play with if it’s only refrigerated.
So you play with your food? What did your mother say about that?
Leslie
“Do not play soccer with that watermelon.”
Yes, well I can just feel the sore toes after that one.
Leslie
A job for CSI! They’ll never convict you. Tell them is was a terrible mistake, you never intended to hurt anyone. You were just being frugal!
Exactly. I’m sure they’ve heard of Valentine’s Day turkey. I just grabbed the wrong container of food. 🙂
You could serve it with some blue cheese.
Does blue have to be its originally intended color?
The colour of the cheese, or the face of your guests after the frankendinner?
I probably would do that 🙂
Would the recipient be German or Latvian?
Latvian, for sure 🙂
Now that was a post…
I’ve written a lot of them.
but this one does not stink like an old bleached turkey carcass… do you not have a freezer???
I do have a freezer.
you could have put the turkey in there
But that wouldn’t be any fun…
I suppose
First, that you keep food in your refrigerator for 3 months is truely shocking. Second, I’m not surprised that Americans put bleach into their food, as far as I know they put bleach into and onto anything.
Third: At the moment, I’m thinking of becoming a vegetarian again, so this post was really helpful to me. Thank you!
Did pink slime make the news over there?
Not yet, but I’m looking forward to it.
When I first saw the title of this post, I thought you were going to rant about turducken, which, to me, is the ultimate Frankenturkey. Imagine my relief when you posted about pulling three month old Thanksgiving turkey leftovers out of the refrigerator, bleaching it, placing it in a ZipLoc bag inside a cardboard box sprayed with a generous amount of Axe.
I love turducken!
There’s always someone!
I almost died reading this. Partially because it was so clever, and partially because I cringed so hard. Oh my goodness, that’s disgusting. How… why?!
The premise of this blog is wonderful too. I’m so happy I’ve found it.
Thanks, and nice to meet you. 🙂
Your blog always makes me laugh out loud and forget what it was I came to the blogosphere for. Keep on blogging in a free world.
Have a prophet-able day – The False Prophet
Thanks. 🙂
Bumblebee Tuna
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