Has anyone else noticed that there’s too much gun violence in the United States?
Okay, you’ll have to trust me on this one. We have this Second Amendment thing here that gives us the right to own weapons. Lots of weapons. Big weapons. Shiny weapons. Deadly and fun weapons.
I like the Second Amendment.
Guns have been shown to deter crime when they’re not aiding crime. If only there were a way to get the deterrent effect without all those pesky negatives.
With that in mind, I’d like to make a proposal. The problem with gun owners is that they’re often the people who think guns are cool; that means they’d have relatively little aversion to firing one. We should mandate that guns be given to the people who are least likely to shoot them and most likely to exercise good judgment by storing them in an appropriate gun safe.
Let’s start by arming all Catholic priests. Everyone knows that no priest would ever harm an innocent person. Moreover, the Church has demonstrated its willingness and ability to police wrongdoing when its members don’t meet the highest of moral standards.
After all, the clergy loves holy things, not holey things.