The Eleventh Day of Christmas Insults My Intelligence

The eleventh thing at Christmas that has insulted me:

Eleven acts of Congress

Ten breast enhancements

(Photo credit: Shira Gal)

“No woman shall be permitted to run for Vice President on the Republican ticket unless she looks like she’s had surgery.”  (Photo credit: Shira Gal)

Nine smelly reindeer

(Photo credit: Keven Law)

“Reindeer shall hereby be recognized as the National Wildlife Mascot of Tuesdays in December.”  (Photo credit: Keven Law)

Eight vegan cookies

(Photo credit: veganchicksrock)

“Because children should not eat traditional cookies, school cafeterias shall only provide these healthy vegan alternatives.”  (Photo credit: veganchicksrock)

Seven cancelled flights

(Photo credit for original: Allen Skyy)

“Airlines have permission to do whatever they like this holiday season because their wealthy owners donate large sums of money to our campaigns.”    (Photo credit for original: Allen Skyy)

Six sixes sixing

Because Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and Christmas are too culturally exclusive, the local Satanist Temple has registered a new holiday: Satan’s Solstice.  Although the solstice part has some historical legitimacy, it’s just not politically correct to exclude a contemporary religious belief system from the naming convention.

“Thou shalt not erect any monument to compete with the All-American Ten Commandments.  That includes all Santa lawn ornaments.”

Five drunk fratboys

“An absence of brain cells shall not be construed as disqualifying for holding the office of President, to the extent that such people demonstrate that their brain cell count resembles that of the average Christmas shopaholic.” (Arthur Browne created this image. Art likes monkeys, probably because he claims to be a monkey. You can see more monkeys on his blog, Pouring My Art Out.)

Four weeks of church


“Mandating church attendance during Advent does not violate the separation of Church and State.  The government merely wishes to enhance the visibility of an entity whose values might be said to be in competition with Big Government.  God bless the free market.”  (Thanks to James O’Neil at Memories of a Time for providing the image.  He also did the glasswork.)


Three Santas

(Photo credit: Josh Roulston)

“It is hereby considered illegal for three Santas to bind themselves in marriage.  There must be at least one but not more than two Mrs. Clauses in the relationship.”   (Photo credit: Josh Roulston)

Two tacky gifts

(Photo credit for original: Richard Huber)

“The American taxpayer shall hereby fund all decorations for the White House Christmas tree.”  (Photo credit for original: Richard Huber)

And the kid who wants a large breed

(Photo credit: Steve Harris)

“Owning a tiger is hereby not protected by the Second Amendment for purposes of self-defense against the government.  The Constitution protects the people’s right to bear arms, not tiger arms.”   (Photo credit: Steve Harris)

Blogger’s note: This is (obviously) a 12 part series.  All photos will have new captions in each post, so you’ll miss a lot if you only read day 12.  For all completed posts in this series, click on the “twelve days of Christmas” link below.

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