The Ninth Day of Christmas Insults My Intelligence

The ninth thing at Christmas that has insulted me:

Nine smelly reindeer

(Photo credit: Keven Law)

Beware of flea-infested gifts.  (Photo credit: Keven Law)

Eight vegan cookies

(Photo credit: veganchicksrock)

Vegan cookies resemble reindeer poop in both taste and texture.  (Photo credit: veganchicksrock)

Seven cancelled flights

(Photo credit for original: Allen Skyy)

If the reindeer can fly reliably every year, why can’t the overpaid airline employees get it right half the time?  (Photo credit for original: Allen Skyy)

Six sixes sixing

Because Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and Christmas are too culturally exclusive, the local Satanist Temple has registered a new holiday: Satan’s Solstice.  Although the solstice part has some historical legitimacy, it’s just not politically correct to exclude a contemporary religious belief system from the naming convention.

Please wait until AFTER the gifts have been delivered to perform the reindeer sacrifice.

Five drunk fratboys

Beware of flea-infested boyfriends. (Arthur Browne created this image. Art likes monkeys, probably because he claims to be a monkey. You can see more monkeys on his blog, Pouring My Art Out.)

Four weeks of church


Because there’s more to Christmas than Santa and Jesus, you need organized religion.  (Thanks to James O’Neil at Memories of a Time for providing the image.  He also did the glasswork.)


Three Santas

(Photo credit: Josh Roulston)

That means three reindeer for each Santa.  That should help mitigate the odor somewhat.  (Photo credit: Josh Roulston)

Two tacky gifts

(Photo credit for original: Richard Huber)

That means 2/3 of a gift per Santa.  That should help mitigate the tackiness somewhat.  (Photo credit for original: Richard Huber)

And the kid who wants a large breed

(Photo credit: Steve Harris)

Of course she doesn’t want something friendly like a reindeer.   (Photo credit: Steve Harris)

Blogger’s note: This is (obviously) a 12 part series.  All photos will have new captions in each post, so you’ll miss a lot if you only read day 12.  For all completed posts in this series, click on the “twelve days of Christmas” link below.


17 thoughts on “The Ninth Day of Christmas Insults My Intelligence

  1. You’re on a roll! Great ideas for gifts! I’m just going out now to pick up my flea-infested reindeer (wrap) special ordered and put on layaway. Unfortunately, my tiger (skin rug) was back-ordered.

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