You may remember recent reports that a second grade teacher had to prevent a parent from distributing vagina cookies to the class. I can’t deliver the story any better than the original, so here are a couple of excerpts:
Autumn Lily Speaker comes into the classroom with a pan full of treats. […] “I decided you can use these to teach the kids about the woman’s vagina today”. Baffled and completely caught off guard I slowly peel the aluminum foil off the pan to behold a plethora of sugar cookie and frosting vaginas. Not just any old vagina, but ALL KINDS OF VAGINAS.
[…]
[P]erplexed I give the parent the most professional look I can muster and quietly reply “I’m sorry Autumn, but I can’t give these to my students. This just isn’t appropriate.” […] Autumn bursts with the fury of a thousand angry Andrea Dworkin’s and starts yelling in front of the class about how ‘I should be proud of my vagina’ and ‘I am settling for a women’s role in life’. Utterly bemused and frozen from shock all I can do is stand and stare at the woman as the word ‘vagina’ is yelled in front of my second grade class about 987,000 times.
It gets worse from there. In a subsequent email, the parent implies that the children should learn how to pleasure the vagina and expresses hope that the teacher will be beaten by an abusive husband.

This is what the Vagina Monologues ISN’T. Actresses proclaim the value of their vaginas; the genitals themselves don’t speak. Presumably. (Photo credit: Mattias Johansson)
News of the altercation eventually landed on Huffington Post and I’m surprised that HuffPost would feature a story that opens the floodgates for criticizing feminists. I spent many years on college campuses and this incident reminds me of V Day. “V Day,” or Vagina Day, is the campus feminists’ replacement for the standard February 14 holiday. The feminists distribute vagina lollipops instead of vagina cookies and they urge “pride in your vagina” and the pleasuring thereof. (In other words, the mother sounds like she just came from campus.) V Day’s centerpiece is the performance of Eve Ensler’s “Vagina Monologues,” a piece that includes some value but also some pedophilia; however, proceeds are often donated to women’s support charities, which must be said in its defense. Also to be said in its defense: Roseanne Barr performed the piece in her underwear a few years back, so there’s obviously some sweet stuff for the men too… in addition to the lollipops. (Cool down. This is a humor blog, remember?)
Long story short: this is what a lot of college students are being taught and the cupcake incident illustrates the unintended consequences of this well-intended V Day programming. Just because it works in theory doesn’t mean it will work outside the university with young children, or with older children, or with adults, or with dead people. (I take that back. Maybe it would work with dead people because they lack brain function.) It’s not the real world’s fault that the intellectual idealist’s ideas fall flat when removed from the academic cloister. Them students don’t remember the lesson right when they leave skool and then the kiddies hafta suffer. The adults too.
The feminism that helps protect women on campus seems to have led at least this one mother to wish domestic violence on another woman. The Women’s Studies professors would be so proud.
The first thought that crosses my mind when I’m going through my Reader and I see your blog, I ask myself, “Who’s insulted her intelligence this time?” and I click to read! As always, when I read your posts you leave me smiling !
Thanks, and it’s always great to hear from you.
However, I am a him. 🙂
Oh Shoot!! Why have I always thought you were a her? *confused*! Now I have insulted you intelligence *runningaway*
This is the NON-vagina monologue! 🙂
The Vagina Monologues insults my intelligence, too. Why should we (men or women?) be “proud” of a random organ with which nature has accidentally endowed us? When men and women BOTH see the problems men have when they think with their cocks, why would women consider thinking with a pussy to be any kind of liberation? And, as the inspiring song from Hair spelled out, “Masturbation, can be fun. It’s the only orgy guaranteed to everyone.” That’s not news.
I’m proud of my left nostril. Do you have a problem with that?
No, but it speaks for itself. 😉
I’m sure your right nostril does.
Well, it is where every human comes from, so it is kind of a special organ. 🙂
OK, but isn’t that a statement in itself? 🙂
@List of X
Well put. All the more so that for one ‘guy’ in particular, this is the ultimate destination. A terminus.
I believe someone has said this:
“All organs are random, but some organs are less random than others”.
I’m still in shock at that crazy cookie mum haha
Rosanne Barr , underwear , vagina. Three things that I never try to think of at once. 😀
But I thought you preferred the older women…
Yes, I do.
So….. what’s that got to do with Roseanne Barr, exactly? 😀
I’m holding out for the play in which the vaginas actually do speak. Now that would be newsworthy!
Hopefully it will be a puppet show.
Sugar cookie vaginas are so fattening…
Only if you eat more than one.
Can I just lick the sugar off???
I’m all for being proud of being a woman, but I take pride in my nurturing nature, warmth and intelligence than I do from my crotch. If this was an attempt to remind women to get cancer screenings done, then great. Walking into a child’s classroom to discuss pleasuring vaginas is just ridiculous.
Unfortunately, I never heard anyone calling for cancer screenings on campus but, then again, I wasn’t the target audience. Not political enough for them…