I, a human blogger, am writing about zebras today. Stuff like this always turns out well for everyone involved.
You see, it was reportedly someone of my species who discovered these wonderful animals. God’s idea was supposedly to improve horses’ figures at the cost of their skins. Because humans enjoy fancy rugs.
And then, as can be readily observed, folks of my species started spending their time trying to convince lions to stop eating these animals. But lions are more stubborn than senators and they can be difficult for humans to communicate with. But our attempts show how we’re environmentally enlightened.
So we support zebra use because we’re stylish and we oppose zebra use because we’re ecostylish. This fits a prominent definition of convenience wherein the object of convenience is viewed as benefiting a preconceived desire regardless of what he or she does.
Seriously. That’s a factual definition. For instance, zebras conveniently avoid lions and tigers because it’s not appropriate for such “weak” and “slow” animals. And when they do go for interspecies friendships, they’re still considered “slow” and “soon to be dead,” but in a different way. And no action can break the cycle of convenience because anything will be twisted around to fit.
It’s a convenient cultural construction, not biological reality, that zebras are slower than lions. If we redefine speed to something more inconvenient, zebras and lions can live together in harmony.

Modern zebras demonstrate their interspecies acumen by sneaking up on their new lion friends. (Photo credit: Robin Hutton)
And with that in mind, the conservation of zebras insults my intelligence. There’s simply no way to think about a zebra that will not result in the animal getting killed. That’s not fair to the zebras.
Even though they’re probably pretty tasty…
Oink!
Sentimental personification of predators insults my intelligence. Go lions! 😀
I never took you for a Detroit fan… 😉
Whoa, I didn’t even think of that!
Maybe it’s time to arm the zebras.
Do you think they’d make it through the required criminal background check?
Since FBI doesn’t keep a database of zebra’s hoof prints, I think zebras will have clean records.
I spoke to a lion about this. He said “it was bad enough that you humans are bisexual, but a biracial horse has gone to far. I mean, pick a side already!” He was clearly a member of the safari tea party. Thank you for bringing this issue to light. It’s a nice reminder of how my problems pale in comparison.
Funny thing is, the lion isn’t even white.
I knew eventually you would show your true stripes. 😉
Unfortunately, I’m plaid…
Mmmm… I’m thinking Zebra ribs smeared in bbq sauce made with Killer Bee honey. 😀
That does sound good. Do you deliver?
Yes, as long as you’re in an area suitable for air drops. 😀
Not sure how to feel about this, but it made me laugh.
Feel happy for the lions.
I always do.
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