Ingenuity Insults My Intelligence

Once upon a time a vicious bison was terrorizing Ted’s cabin.

Bison are very protective of their land.  (Photo credit: Adrian Measures)

Bison are protective of their land because they’ve learned from history. (Photo credit: Adrian Measures)

Ted had built the cabin far from civilization but he had forgotten to bring a gun, trap, or anything else to protect himself with.  He feared that the bison would maul him and he needed to take action.

Unfortunately for Ted, he hadn’t been to the city in a while.  That meant he only had two liters of Diet Coke, five pounds of ground beef, a few packs of Mentos, a frying pan, and a metal bowl.  He lacked the strength to hurl furniture at the beast.

And he had to rescue himself.

So he fried a meatloaf and stuck the Mentos inside.  Then he poured the Diet Coke into the bowl and left a nice snack outside for the bison.

The bison ate it.

Do you know what happens when Mentos mix with Diet Coke?  They explode.

And so the bison exploded in a flash of orange and red.  Blood and intestines gushed through the window and drenched poor Ted.

Incidentally, the bison had anthrax and Ted became infected.  He died soon afterwards.

Nobody lived happily ever after.

32 thoughts on “Ingenuity Insults My Intelligence

  1. I will try mentos and diet coke just in case.. hahahaha.. Cant we are fresh people.. I meant fresh mentos and fresh diet coke..:P..
    Your tale is like ” a man goes to a desert after hearing there is gold there, he digs an digs and finds a rat. He is tired and almost dying of hunger. He kills the rat, eats it. Apparantly the rat had rabies, the man died soon after” .. funny stuff always like your blog posts.. 🙂

  2. Who was nobody and why did he need the bison to explode to be happy ever after? Was Ted making nobody unhappy?

  3. Bravo. I love how the exercise was pitched as a serious creative endeavour and how you then decided to have none of that. Takes the edge off. (Well, being funny is a pretty successful creative pursuit, as you have demonstrated above.) Sorry I think I had a point but I may have lost it amongst the bits of exploding bison.

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  5. Where has this blog been all my life. This eloquent story is the best thing I’ve read all day.

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