Dear Frustrated Parent,

We, the educational minds behind the Common Core, regret your inability to understand your child’s math homework. Although your educational credentials impressed us, we don’t understand why you can’t comprehend one basic concept: counting on your fingers.

It’s so simple that even a child can do it.

You start by taking the first digit that’s being subtracted, the one in the 100’s slot, and jump 100 on the number line for each 100 being subtracted. Then you do the same for the 10’s slot and finally for the 1’s slot. As you can see, the number line represents nothing more than a sophisticated version of the tried-and-true natural bodily mathematical apparatus (a.k.a. digits) that you conservatives claim to love so much.

It’s not scary. It’s traditional.

Just wait until your child reaches Trigonometry and you’ll discover how much easier these methods make things. Calculating sines and cosines to three decimal places will excite our teenagers more than it ever has!

Moreover, we are saddened that you chose to mock our interest in developing the children’s writing skills. If more of you engineers were literate and/or competent in your field, you would understand the value of recognizing errors and being able to communicate them so that they might be rectified. Your letter demonstrates that you have not progressed beyond a rudimentary comprehension of the English language. Thank goodness your child has us to help him achieve.

We thank you for your self-incriminating gesture.

Sincerely,

The Department of Education

Blogger’s notes:

I do not have a math or science degree and I was able to figure out the homework assignment… which doesn’t exactly shed a more positive light on it.

For the less mathematically inclined among you, one would not use subtraction to calculate sines and cosines. Judging from the common core authors’ ignorance of what will be needed in higher math courses, I assume they would not have known this either.

Perhaps I’ll agree with Glenn Beck again in another 100 years or so. I imagine it will be something along the lines of “Gee, this dirt isn’t very comfortable.”

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22/7

I believe that equals an entire pie. Am I correct?

Indeed.

I don’t have my multiplication tables memorized yet…

It’s never too late to learn.

with numbers it is

But you’re smart and young. I’m quite certain you can handle it.

I am dense and old… but thanks…

I have a math degree, and I was also stumped by this assignment. Maybe this has something to do with this required senior-year math class where they teach us to stop counting on our fingers.

They do that in senior year now? I thought that was a graduate course.

So I guess academic standards aren’t falling…

You’re kidding, right? I always count on my fingers when calculating sines and cosines. I did that twice this morning before breakfast.

Only twice?

Usually running late…

Dear “Educator”,

I’m sorry you have your heads up your asses. You bow to a standard that was invented by people who are not educators. How can you fail to see the illogic in that?

Frustrated parent is insulted by needlessly complicating math homework. Maybe when you grow up, you’ll realize that.

You do realize that this is a humor blog, right?