Russian Teddy Bears Insult My Intelligence

Ever since the Olympic opening ceremony, people have been complaining about how the mascot looks drunk, how it gives children nightmares, how it destroys the Olympics’ intended spirit.

Here’s the cute little perpetrator:

Photo courtesy of the Presidential Press and Information Office via http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2014_Winter_Olympics_opening_ceremony_%282014-02-07%29_01.jpeg   It has been cropped from its original version.

Photo courtesy of the Presidential Press and Information Office via http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2014_Winter_Olympics_opening_ceremony_ %282014-02-07%29_01.jpeg (It has been cropped from its original version.)

I’m sorry, but this fellow doesn’t seem like a worthy opponent for Godzilla, or even for a three-year-old boy.  In fact, he kind of looks like a more adorable version of Dick Cheney… which means we should expect a couple of heart attacks if the bear continues getting all that exercise.

Heart attacks don’t scare children, especially if the victim is furry and cartoonish.

That ain’t right.  The Olympics deserve a mascot who can inspire the masses to emulate the athletes, namely in that they end up moving very very quickly.    And I will skip over the tired old jokes about Russia… you know, the ones that lampoon how everything in Russia seems drunk and belligerent.

I prefer not to pursue such cheap humor on this blog.

Instead, I would like to introduce a more suitable animal who should have been chosen as mascot.  Meet Dvar the bumblebee, a veritable VIP in Russian cultural circles and connoisseur of warm weather.

This image was slightly modified from the original on "Oramah Maalhur."  The bee is unchanged.

This image was slightly modified from the original on “Oramah Maalhur.” The bee is unchanged.

Oh, and he sings too… this entity so great that he was once rumored to be a creation of the almighty terrorizer of children, Michael Jackson.

He reveals himself in dreams to the anonymous band that adopted his name and they distribute his musical revelations to the world.  What better symbol could have emerged for an event named after the residence of ancient gods?  And the singing even sounds like it came from a children’s show.

All hail Dvar!

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