Liquor Ads Insult My Intelligence

The Love Song of J. Alfred Smirnoff

“Let us drink, then, you and I
‘Til your senses are dulled and alight with glee
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets
So we can get some eats
Then playful nights in one-night cheap hotels
And robust condoms with moister gels.”

blind vodka tasting

(Photo credit: rick)

Ads that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming mistake…
Oh, do not ask “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit

In the bar the women come and go
hoping that they will be your ho

The drunken guy that rubs his back upon the window-panes
The blubb’ring pig that rubs his muzzle on the window-panes
Stuck his tongue into the limits of flirtation
Lingered upon the girls that have no brains,
Let fall upon his back the girl that harkens for vodka.
She’s on the terrace, makes a sudden leap,
And seeing that he was a softly drunken knight
Curled once atop the man, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the sleazy gal that slinks along the street,
Rubbing her back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a kiss to greet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to seduce and elate,
And time for all the works and slaps of hands
That lift and drop a flurry on your date;
Time for you and time for her,
And time yet for a hundred fornications
And for a hundred vibrations and relations
Before you have to go to pee.

On the page the women come and go
Falsely portrayed to Average Joe.


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