Mudslinging Insults My Intelligence

When I say that politics in the United States is crap, I don’t mean something like this.

At least the South Africans’ crap represents a serious human issue.  All we get is mudslinging plus a heavy dose of changing the subject with a side of meaningless blather that flows like diarrhea.  You get dumber from watching American politicians in action, regardless of their political persuasion.

So, instead of overly simplistic slogans and overwrought attacks when discussing important issues like health care, let’s enact a law to allow our more vituperative politicians to hurl hypodermic needles at each other.  Although the needles would be a lot more expensive than mud (even if Congress can obtain used needles from hospitals at a reduced rate), our political discourse would finally be taking its cues from at least one major issue.

Hypodermic needle with needle cap

Hypodermic needle with needle cap (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The second benefit of having our politicians sling needles instead of mud is more basic.  Although mudslinging politicians are often rewarded with reelection again and again and again, the public keeps claiming that it wants the frivolous attacks to end.  If we discourage the verbal barbs and permit these politicians to put themselves into such regular and close proximity to various communicable diseases, it could help Washington reduce its abundance of acidic speech through a sort of natural selection.

This game of dodgeball (dodgeneedle?) would also be more intellectually stimulating than the average presidential debate.  The corresponding South African protest may have looked outlandish, but at least it encouraged discussion of a major problem.

Sometimes you need a little symbolism.  Washington, heal thyself!

Author’s note: It also insults my intelligence when writers uses the phrase “modest proposal” in the title or body of their work.  It has been overdone and it doesn’t make the writing sound more intelligent or informed.  Therefore, please thank me for treating you like adults; there’s a huge difference between throwing needles and eating children.

You’re welcome!

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3 thoughts on “Mudslinging Insults My Intelligence

  1. I’m afraid you over-estimate South African politics. The people responsible for the poop-throwing aren’t interested in debating the issue. They only want to make their opponents look bad. It’s merely a case of “mud”-slinging in the literal sense 😉

    By the way, they’ve done it twice more since I wrote that post. Last night as I was watching the news I was all like, come on! That’s the third time you’re doing it. Now it’s only getting ridiculous. Get something new, for crying out loud!

    Dodge-needle? Fewer politicians can only make the world better. They can make it into a reality show. If you lose the debate you become a human dart board.

    • Regardless of whether the protesters want to debate the topic, their acts are symbolically relevant. In the U.S. and Europe, we get animal rights protesters (and anti-war protesters, etc.) who chant slogans in the nude. Then, the media coverage is of nudity and not of the issue.

      One can forward a debate whether one intends to do so or not.

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